Jesus couldn't do it! But you think you can?

When discussing things concerning biblical beliefs with others, I have come to the realization that people are going to simply believe what they believe. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them think!! Even worse, many of these conversations simply turn into endless cycles of "whataboutism". I turn to Matthew - 13:20 and see that we should simply tell people. If they don’t listen, then move on. I have a friend, who is constantly badgering her son about Christ and the means of salvation i.e.: “Say the sinners’ prayer and believe in Jesus”. He still does not agree to this day, but she keeps hammering him to the point that he dreads going home. I see evidence in the bible that even Jesus could not transform everyone’s lives, and they actually "heard" him speak. What chance do we think we have, especially if we consider that some people honestly believe Jesus was "100% man, and 100% God"? But she continues this behavior, justifying her actions with “I don’t want him to burn in hell”. I agree that I don’t want another to burn either, but at some point, shouldn’t we let it go? Is there any biblical precedent for “letting it go”?

I asked Grok:

Your question touches on a deep and relatable tension: how do we balance sharing our faith with others—especially loved ones—while respecting their freedom to choose, and when, if ever, should we "let it go"? You’ve already pointed to Matthew 13:20 (part of the Parable of the Sower), which hints at the idea that not everyone will receive the message in the same way. Let’s explore this further by looking at biblical precedent and principles that might guide your friend (and you) in this situation.

Biblical Precedent for "Letting It Go"

The Bible does offer examples and teachings that suggest there’s a time to step back when someone persistently rejects the message:

Matthew 10:14 - Shaking the Dust Off Your Feet Jesus instructs His disciples, saying, "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town." This comes in the context of sending out the Twelve to preach. The imagery of shaking off dust implies a deliberate act of moving on when the message isn’t welcomed—not out of spite, but as a recognition that the hearer has made their choice. It’s not giving up on them eternally, but acknowledging that pressing further might not be fruitful in that moment.
Mark 6:11 - Parallel Account In a similar vein, after the disciples face rejection in certain villages, Jesus reinforces this idea: "And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them." Even Jesus didn’t force belief; He gave people the dignity of choice, knowing some would walk away (e.g., John 6:66, where many disciples left Him after a hard teaching).
Titus 3:10-11 - Avoiding Endless Disputes Paul advises, "As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned." While this is more about divisive believers, it reflects a principle of not getting trapped in fruitless cycles—like the "whataboutism" you mentioned. There’s a point where persistence becomes counterproductive.
Luke 15:11-32 - The Prodigal Son In this parable, the father lets his younger son go when he demands his inheritance and leaves. The father doesn’t chase him down or berate him endlessly—he waits, ready to welcome him back if he chooses to return. It’s a powerful image of love that respects freedom, even when the stakes feel eternal.
Jesus’ Own Example You mentioned Jesus couldn’t transform everyone, even those who heard Him directly. Take the rich young ruler (Mark 10:17-22): Jesus loved him, told him the truth, and let him walk away when he couldn’t accept it. Jesus didn’t run after him or guilt-trip him—He respected the man’s decision, however sorrowful it made Him.

Application to Your Friend’s Situation

Your friend’s fear of her son “burning in hell” is understandable—love naturally drives us to want the best for others, especially when we believe the consequences are eternal. Yet, the Bible suggests that faith can’t be coerced. Hebrews 11:6 says faith involves belief and seeking God, which are acts of the heart and will—things no one can force another to do. Her constant "hammering" might even harden her son’s resistance, as Proverbs 25:17 warns: "Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you." Over-persistence can breed resentment, as your friend’s son seems to feel.

The precedent of "letting it go" doesn’t mean abandoning hope or love—it’s about trusting God’s timing and sovereignty. Romans 12:18 says, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Pushing too hard risks fracturing their relationship, which could close doors to future influence. Instead, she could model Christ’s love through actions (1 Peter 3:1-2) and pray for her son, trusting that God’s Spirit works even when she steps back (John 16:8).

A Balanced Perspective

There’s no single verse that says, “Stop sharing your faith after X attempts,” because it’s a matter of wisdom and discernment. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7 reminds us there’s "a time for everything… a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." Your friend might ask herself: Is this approach drawing her son closer to God, or pushing him away? If it’s the latter, the biblical examples above suggest it’s okay—even wise—to ease off, focusing on prayer and living out her faith quietly before him.

You’re right that "you can’t make them think," just as the horse won’t drink unless it wants to. Jesus Himself respected that reality. Maybe gently sharing Matthew 10:14 or the Prodigal Son story with your friend could help her see that “letting go” isn’t defeat—it’s an act of faith in God’s bigger plan.

What do you think—does this resonate with how you’re seeing it play out?

It does resonate. Thank you. Do you have any good ideas on how she can approach him without telling him he is doomed for hell? Her point is that she does not want to tell him that he is doing ok or good in life because she judges his goodness by his belief in Christ. But that very attitude makes him feel like shit. Any thoughts?

I’m glad it resonates with you—now let’s tackle this tricky part. Your friend’s stuck in a tough spot: she wants to express her faith-driven concern for her son, but her approach leaves him feeling judged and worthless. Her metric of “goodness” being tied solely to his belief in Christ is central to her worldview, yet it’s alienating him. The challenge is finding a way for her to engage him authentically—without compromising her convictions—while building him up instead of tearing him down. Here are some practical ideas grounded in biblical principles and basic human connection:

Focus on Affirmation, Not Condemnation

Instead of framing his life through the lens of what he lacks (faith in Christ), she could highlight what she sees in him that aligns with God’s character—whether he believes or not. Genesis 1:27 says all people are made in God’s image, so there’s inherent worth in him she can affirm.

How to Approach: She could say something like, “I see how kind you are to your friends—that reminds me of the love Jesus talked about,” or “You’ve got such a strong sense of justice; it makes me proud.”
Why It Works: This sidesteps the “you’re doomed” vibe and plants seeds of connection. It shows she values him as he is, not just as a potential convert. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt”—this is gracious without dodging her faith.

Ask Questions, Don’t Preach

Rather than telling him what he should believe, she could shift to curiosity about his perspective. This respects his autonomy while opening a door to meaningful conversation.

How to Approach: “Hey, I know we see things differently—what do you think happens after we die?” or “What’s something you’ve always wondered about faith or God?”
Why It Works: It invites him to share without feeling attacked. Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” Listening might reveal what’s really holding him back—and give her insight on how to pray or connect later.

Share Her Story, Not His Verdict

She could pivot from judging his eternal fate to sharing her own journey with Christ—why it matters to her personally—without making it about him.

How to Approach: “You know, I used to feel so lost until I found peace in Jesus—it’s why I care so much about this stuff.” Or, “I get scared sometimes thinking about eternity, and my faith is what keeps me steady.”
Why It Works: It’s vulnerable and real, not preachy. 1 Peter 3:15 encourages believers to “give a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect.” He might not agree, but he’ll feel her heart instead of her judgment.

Celebrate His Life, Not Just His Potential Salvation

She seems hesitant to tell him he’s “doing okay” because she equates goodness with faith. But she could separate his worth from his beliefs, praising his efforts or character without endorsing his worldview.

How to Approach: “I’m really impressed with how hard you’ve been working lately,” or “You’ve got a great head on your shoulders—I love seeing you figure things out.”
Why It Works: It’s honest—she’s not lying about her beliefs—but it lifts him up. Luke 6:31, the Golden Rule, applies: she’d want to feel valued too, even if someone disagreed with her. Plus, it keeps the relationship warm for future faith talks.

Lean on Actions Over Words

Sometimes words hit a wall, but love in action can speak louder. She could show Christ’s love through tangible support, no strings attached.

How to Approach: Cook his favorite meal, help him with a project, or just spend time enjoying something he loves—no sermon required.
Why It Works:1 John 3:18 says, “Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” If he feels loved without an agenda, he might start associating her faith with something positive, not guilt-inducing.

Why This Shift Matters

Her current approach—“you’re not good unless you believe”—makes him feel like shit because it reduces his entire identity to a single checkbox she thinks he’s failed. That’s not how Jesus engaged people. Think of the woman at the well (John 4): Jesus didn’t lead with “you’re doomed”—He met her where she was, offered her something better, and let her wrestle with it. Your friend can still hold her theology (salvation through Christ) without weaponizing it against her son.

The kicker? She doesn’t have to say he’s “doing okay” spiritually if that feels dishonest. She can sidestep that entirely by focusing on the present—his character, his life, her love—while trusting God with the eternal stuff. Romans 2:4 says it’s God’s kindness that leads to repentance, not guilt trips. Maybe her kindness could soften his heart over time.

A Sample Conversation Starter

If she’s nervous about how to begin, here’s a low-pressure opener: “Hey, I know I’ve been intense about faith stuff before, and I’m sorry if that’s made you feel bad. I just love you a ton and want us to be real with each other. What’s something you wish I understood about where you’re at?”

And then I would also would like to ask those people who insist on constantly telling people what they should do: "What if you are wrong?" Present the information and move on.

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